Chapter Three

S my Mum mentioned the word “cruel” my head got puzzled; I remember what my Priest made mentioned in his sermon about the Cruel Pharaoh who refused to release the Israelites from bondage in Egypt.

She observed this in my mood when she mentioned the word. She said, my son, don’t be scared let me tell you the truth about the family of the girl. First of all, the members of the girl do not understand, ones they hear any roomers from the neighbours about your relationship, they will rush to act rather than tracing out. Behaviours of the family members are alarming because they say no body win them due the capital they have. Boys are five in numbers and among them three are bad and two are good. Since the number of bad boys exceeds the number of good boys, the good boys will just keep quiet because their voice will not be heard.

The boys have two sisters and one among them is the one I skimmed for a relationship. Since the family have money all the boys are educated and too the girl, but, unfortunately, the one I thought to be in relationship was still in the secondary level of education.

My Mum added that, the family members are somehow social and free with people. The security at home is very tight. The girls are not allowed to move or even have a evening walk. One day I was amused my son, I heard that, during big day such as Christmas, Independent, Eddy and all sorts when the sun was almost down, the girls are locked inside the house till morning then they opened the door. I asked Mum why they lock them. She replied, the brothers fears that, the girls go for dancing in the Pub hence they will be pregnant. I said that is being primitive and backward Mum. I thought if a girl finished the secondary level of studies, that person has completed all the stages of adolescent and body changes, then I don’t understand them now Mum, they mean to say that, their girls should not have friends and during big days share with their friends? Mum friends are far much than Lovers, you can have a friend and you can have a lover, this depend on how you train your children; locking girls inside is not a solution, I rather advice them to keep on holding family meeting whereby they discuss such issues. According to me, the brothers of the girls are spoiling them because once they are not at home the girls will use that opportunity to what they want to do hence messing up with life here I mean getting pregnant. Therefore, parents do not over protect your children otherwise you are going to lose them.

The more you restrict them, the more problems they are going to create for you, so be free with girls, give them time for leisure and free activities such that they can share with others their experience as well as learning new things. You can only restrict the time for going out and coming back, I when we try this method our children are going to have a bright future. Friendship is everybody’s desire whether old or young, even the so call elders, if your clan have hatred or dislike another clan automatically there will be war all the time.

I if the boys don’t want their sisters to have a friend, would you expect to get married? You have a moment of silence and think how you got your wife, Is she not a sister to some body? If that person was cruel, would you have got her?

When I was thinking one evening on how people usually get their friends the so call no Wives, I was disturbed in mind on those who put more effort to keep away their girls from moving and having evening walk or canning them seriously when they get her with a boy whether they are in relationship or not. I asked myself, why do you can somebody’s wife? I am sure no girl is born to remain in the family or clan, she must move to the next family and clan. Now if this is so why do boys behave like this? I think this is not right, please try a diplomatic way of solving problems.

Since I couldn’t get the answer I have to move to my Mum and have at least a conversation. I asked her, why do boys put rules and cruel to their sisters in term of leisure. She said my son, in the past girls are considered as a source of wealth to the family and so should be protected and handled with lots of care. I asked how? She replied, girls are only allowed to go for dances such as “Lara karaka” where they meet and get boyfriends. If the brother get her with a boy during this dance there is no problem and she is encourage to go for more dances such as “bwola”,”lukeme” and “Aguma”_all these are Acholi dances. These are dances where girls get boyfriends and boys get girl friends of which the friendship must end in marriage. I asked Mum, if the friendship does not end in Marriage? She replied, my son be careful, don’t even try to stand with somebody’s daughter if you know you can’t bear the yoke- the yoke I mean is the consequences and these consequences are none other than marriage. I continued and asked, what should I pose before I say I am ready to get married? She replied, my son, that is along story and we have a long way to go so as to achieve our objectives and this is none other than a “stable family”.

If I have to reflect on how your father got me, it’s funny and amazing but let me tell you, I am telling you because you are my son, growing and also have heart towards people’s daughters.

One day, when I was going to fetch water from a nearby well, I saw a moderately tall brown boy coming directly towards me, I said to myself, what do this boy want from me; during that time, I didn’t show that am not interested in him and he too did the same but, when he reach near, he greeted me” hello beautiful girl, how are doing?” I replied, I am doing well, now where are you heading to? Don’t you see the calabash in my hand! I replied. He said, hi why are anoit like this? I answered, Am not aniot but because of your funny question that’s why I responded like that. Your question was not geared toward knowing where I am going but other thing that you know. I asked Mum, which means you were intelligent in such a way that you knew what Daddy want from you; she replied, my son, I came from a family where people are very intelligent hence I took their  footsteps and I urge you to take my footsteps of intelligence.

So, that was a bypass, let’s go back to the story. The boy (your father) went as far as talking about his status at home and the job he is currently in. I asked Mum, what job was he doing? She was a soldier, you know soldiers during those days were the riches and people respect them. Since the time was late, we ended that day like that.

The following day, I went again to fetch water from the same way and I think you knew the time I always I come for water. He again appeared with his friends; there we discussed a lot of thing but, do you know what I told them my son? Come up to our home and meet my parents because I am not the owner of myself. He replied, that is not a big deal, I will do so. When I told them like that I went back home and inform my father and mother about the boy I met on the way and, told him to come up to home for more information. Remember, that was not for the purpose of information but to make the family members aware of what is on the ground.

My brothers praises me for such a wonderful thought and said, “you are the best amongst your sisters”. I remember I had three sisters of which we came from the same womb but, none of them took their boy friend home. This means I was in intelligent enough to have such a thought.

I asked, Mum, what was the attitudes of your mother and father; the so call now my grant mother and father towards that event? She said they thank me and praised me a lot for that wonders I have shown in that village and in turn, he slaughtered for me chicken and I ate with pride and joy. 

Afterwards, you father failed to come the day he promised to come but, do you what? He sent one person to come and apologise for the failure to turn up the day he promised. I think my son, your father’s family were also intelligent, if they were not, they couldn’t mind so much on what they made mentioned in their words (their promise).

During those days my son, there were no phones and good transport means as compared to this days. The richest family write letter using a pen or a pencil on a piece of paper and give to somebody to take it and that person, also uses foot or if rich, uses bicycle but, bicycle were only got from the “Rwot”- clan leader. For you to borrow the bicycle you have to give reasons as to why you want the bicycle but these days people don’t want to use bicycle, they prefer vehicles, motorcycle and plains as a mean of transport. I am telling you my son, you are blessed.

A day after, your father arrive at our place in the evening together with their parents ready to discuss the issue. I warmly welcomed them and gave them seats and these seats were not chairs or Sofer Sets but skins of animals that are very wild and the best I could remember is a leopard skin. I tell you my son, in a home where there is a skin a leopard those days, that home was consider superior among all home or clans and above all a lion skin.

A home with this skins are really honoured and respected because are fierce and very difficult to kill-but, if a family manage to have one then they must be respected. I asked Mum, how do they know that you have killed those animals you have mentioned? She replied, they always organised a big ceremonies/function where rituals are made and recognition are put forward and that is the time when the “Rwot”-clan leader visits that home. As well, they belief that, whenever the clan leader-Rwot in Acholi visits a home, his foot marks bring blessing and I think that is why we are intelligent  because that ceremony was organised when I was young. My father told me that, the “Rwot” us and asked for intelligence to children in the family by touching our heads. Even though we were intelligent enough, there was no money to pay the school fees and that is why I didn’t study much.

To continue with, when I gave seats to them-your father, they sat and as in the culture of Acholi girls are not allowed to sit near the visitors but in other wards they are to help in the kitchen to make meals for the visitors.

My father sat with them and conversed a lot. Meals were ready and I took it immediately. I think our family was organised enough that meals are always cooked in time whether the visitors comes very late in the evening, I think your grant mother has this in her heart even today, do you belief it my son? I replied, yes Mummy, let me share with you my experience one day; I left school late and thought that I will not get any food during supper. This is because we always eat together and if you are not their during the time for supper, you will defiantly miss and need to wait for next morning next day; but, I was surprise when she brought before me simsim pate mixed with honey and  boiled cassava besides it. Therefore Mum if you say grant mum still have that in life, I agree with you.

To go a little further, I was called for a talk in the room together now with the family members of your father face to face. They promised to protect me, help me and do whatever they could so that I don’t experience any difficulty in life. I didn’t take their words seriously and showed up that I am interested in him but I knew it from my heart. They promise to come back for me. My son, I think you can learn something from y experience of intelligence she said. D not fears to go to the girl’s place-home if you have internalised her thoroughly in all aspect such as behaviours of people around and the relatives.

Our relationship went on smoothly until your father married me with thousand goats, sheep and cattle. My so I am telling you our marriage ceremony was the best in the whole of the village and; this was because both of our parents were very inquisitive and gave us directions. I think you will not miss up, in case of anything please make me know and too you father so that you will also enjoy as I did. As the conversation went on I also shared my experience with her.........